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    oh praise Him

    I feel super good like all the time. I know it all has to do with my Heavenly Father. I definitely feel more complete in Him. I don’t really think it’s anything in particular. I just feel good and it doesn’t matter that things aren’t like I thought they would be because as long as I have Jesus, I feel great.
    I finally got a raise at my job. I feel like I am more appreciated. I finished John and now I’m reading Mark a long with other members of Catalyst Church. Love it. It’s so inspiring to read Jesus’ actual words every morning.
    Our 2 year anniversary is coming up soon and it’s so exciting. Brendan is the best boyfriend in the whole world. I know I may talk about him like that a lot but it’s so rare to find a real man of faith. And someone who treats you like a lady should be treated.
    Wow my last day of class is tomorrow! I know it’s actually gonna feel like summer once my class ends! Can’t wait for next weekend! Fourth of July weekend is my favorite because there are fireworks. Plus, my baby brother is coming home to visit!

    jesus

    One thing I realized yesterday is that life is so tough. I have a really close friend crying on my porch because her family is torn up. Just listening to her talk about the most painful moments of her life kills me. There is no way to justify an affair and you can see the effects of another person’s sin in her life, though she had nothing to do with it. Then there is the most beautiful child I know. Whatever happened to her at a young age is going to affect her when she is older. I want so badly to help her and I love her so much. My family is torn a part and I feel a family crisis coming on soon. I want to tell my church family at some point, but I need to wait until more details come in.

    I just see so many broken hearts and broken lives around me. I want these people to experience Jesus in their lives so bad that it moves me to tears. I had a broken life and so many rotten things happened to me, but Jesus healed every pain in my life and made me whole again. I know what it is like to lean on Him through rough times. I want them to be able to as well. And if it’s not the time yet then I hope that God can use me and help me to be a light in the darkness.

    decisions

    I am absolutely loving John. There is just so much good stuff in there. It is so hard to just pick one verse for my SOAP analysis. God is definitely revealing so much to me. Anyways, I am getting more excited about my internship. I even get to work at the Rascal Flatts concert in 2 weeks! I have regular office hours every Wednesday at the radio station. I want so badly to work at the radio station after this internship. There is a lot of competition, but man working there would be so sweet. I pray that it is God’s will that it will happen.

    Plainville Starbucks was hiring, so I applied, but when I called the position was filled.  Brendan says maybe I am not getting any jobs because God has something better for me. I can only hope. But I believe that it is true.

    I am sort of thinking about taking next semester off and working full-time somewhere. It seems kinda outrageous because I will be 4 classes away from graduating. But I have no money. Both my parents won’t support me, and I can’t pay my bills with just a 12 hour a week job. I am jealous of other college students who don’t have jobs because their parents pay for everything. I was thinking of maybe getting a temp full-time job and finishing school in the spring. It kind of sucks that I am letting money rule this decision though. But I will definitely be praying about it and try to figure out what God wants me to do.

    internship

    I feel very overwhelmed with school right now. Today I finally caught up on my capstone homework and I spent 3 hours in the computer lab at school doing info processing homework. My first meeting for my internship was today. It was not what I expected and it is very unorganized. I have a lot of questions and I just feel like thrown into this. I need to give it a chance. I feel like I am spread too thin with my summer classes and work. I have no idea what I will actually be out at these events for the internship.

    I am on ChaCha right now trying to make some money. There aren’t even a lot of questions right now. I am $49 away from getting paid, as long as I finish up by June 15. Tonight my mom took me out for dinner to celebrate my internship. It was really nice and I had super good food. I feel like already summer is going by so fast. I want the weather to stay hot and nice so I can get tan and go to the beach. I’ve been reading John and it’s been enlightening so far.

    unbelievable!

    Honestly, I can say that 2 weeks ago when I tithed for the first time in awhile, I have felt so much peace. I prayed every day that my measly little 10% will be blessed. I don’t make a lot of money at the moment, but I know that every amount counts. I took a leap of faith and tithed what I had, leaving me no money to pay my bills. I have felt so much peace, that I haven’t even worried about money at all since 2 weeks ago.

    Somehow it happened where I had enough to pay almost all of my credit card bill in full. Brendan got a paycheck that had a lot more money than we expected. I felt blessed through him because he was able to pay me back money, and actually have a couple of dollars to his name afterwards. Plus, I sold my books. Plus, I made some extra money doing ChaCha. Even in the midst of everything, I even got a $125 tattoo (and that didn’t even dig me in deeper). I always want to do do things for myself and I never can and this tattoo was for me! For the past like 5 months I have hardly been able to buy things for myself. I don’t regularly spend money on anything a week that I could cut back on. So I just did it.

    Anyways, today I got paid again. First thing I did was tithe and pray that God will bless it. Then I paid off my two credit cards and stashed away the rest. I have a car tax due in July that is usually about $176. I have my car insurance due in August that is $500. I don’t feel an ounce of worry.It’s unbelievable. The worry of money was constantly just there and one day I realized it was gone. God will take care of you if you just surrender to Him.

    no more classes

    Yesterday was my last day of class. Today I slept in a little late, and looked out the window and it just seems gloomy. It seems that has spread to my mood. I feel like I am lacking lately. I don’t know if it’s my crazy girly hormones, or the weather, or how I tend to overanalyze every single situation. I just spent some time like I do every morning with God and I feel much better. I am on proverbs and I love the quick little sayings that so easily stick with me throughout my day.

    Today I have a party at work. Work already has gotten better. Yesterday at the meeting my managers assigned more work for me to do, which makes me think that they think I can handle it. So get this, 2 places called back (1 for an interview, 1 for a job), but I sadly declined. Is that saying no to God? I think it was an answered prayer. Well it was a prayer I wanted badly at one point, until I decided that I thought God was telling me to stick where I was and to trust him that my work situation would get better. So I felt very conflicted, but ultimately decided to stay where I am now.

    I am still waiting for something crazy to happen. I have asked God to bless my tithe everyday. I have 2 bills due in 5 days. I had a dream last night that Obama was attending a speech I was giving about how music has influenced my relationship with God and he asked me what a Christian was. WEIRD! I think I am going home tonight. There’s no point to be on campus with no one around and no classes to go to!

    work

    So I guess I just need to make the best out of my job and I pray I will stop getting in trouble, and people there will have favor on me, and I will get a raise. It is probably better this way because as soon as summer starts, I have a 10-12:15 class Monday through Thursday. That already like destroys my availability. Plus, my internship starts June 1st and the job I have right now is so flexible, so maybe that’s a good thing. So I picked up a shift today to get more money and I am working this Saturday.

    I got my biweekly paycheck (FINALLY) and I wrote out a check for my tithe. I am nervous because after my car payment I have $0. I haven’t had money since 2 weeks ago when I last got paid so that is $0 for a whole month. Plus I have 2 credit card payments due and no money so I guess let’s see how God will blessed me!

    I hate money. When Brendan lost his job it was really really hard. Sometimes all I want is to buy something for myself. I really haven’t bought anything for myself in months that isn’t like groceries. My entire paycheck goes to my bills. Like I want to get my hair cut and I need it desperately.  I want to get my nails done. I want to be able to drive by a Starbucks on a whim pull in and get a decaf Americano. I know I have been spending my money wisely  because last week Brendan and I decided not to go to Boston and Worcester.  But good news is that I am $40 away from getting paid by ChaCha. I have until May 15th!