purpose

Today for some reason I woke up really motivated. Today is pretty much my only day off this week. So far I cleaned my car out and vacuumed it. I love when my car is super clean. My next task is to clean up my room because my brother left this morning and it needs some attention. It’s really nice out and I want to do something outside today. But I think I will just catch up on the Secret Life and make some ChaCha money soon. And finish Harry Potter 7.

Fourth of July weekend was the best! Britton came home on Friday night. Things got a little hectic at my house because Britton is going to be deployed to Afghanistan on August 14th. I had a mini meltdown, but I will continuously pray and put my faith in the Lord that somehow this won’t happen. And if it is God’s will, I pray my baby brother will be safe for the 8 months he is there. Anyways, on Saturday we went swimming at Tim’s. Then we went to New Haven for fireworks, which were the best I have ever seen. It was so perfect.

Yesterday I spent the morning with my family and finally made it to the Catalyst Underground bonfire. I loved what Donny talked about. I think I haven’t really struggled with what my purpose is. I have been blessed that God has put on my heart what He wants me to do with my life. Even before I committed my life to Christ when I was 16, God was leading me to music and to the youth ministry. After all of these years I have said yes to God and He has directed me to where I am today. I’m 21 years old and I still haven’t done what I think He wants me to do just yet, but I know my time will come. It’s all about being patient and really making time to listen to what God is telling you.

july already

I can’t believe it is July already! This weekend is 4th of July festivities, which is my favorite holiday. I am looking forward to next week so much! Next Friday is Matt Rouleau’s birthday stuff, Saturday is my cousin’s wedding, Sunday is our anniversary! Then Tuesday at night is Harry Potter!

I just got my grades for my 2 summer classes. I got a B+ (so freakin close) in info processing and B in my Capstone! So happy it’s done. I am officially 4 classes away from graduating. I randomly got a $13.50 refund for a magazine I have never paid for. That got me gas when I was on empty. Crazy how things work like that.

I have been reading Mark and I always feel like Jesus is way more aggressive in this Gospel. I love it though. Even though it’s summer, I feel surprisingly focused and dedicated to spending alone time with God each day.  I think I just feel good all around and I had such a fun past couple of days. Angela’s grad party and going to see the Chariot was great.

Yesterday, Brendan surprised me with an awesome game for my PSP called Me and My Katamari. I am probably going to play it now while I wait for stuff to do at my internship. This is me and Rascal Flatts by the way…

oh praise Him

I feel super good like all the time. I know it all has to do with my Heavenly Father. I definitely feel more complete in Him. I don’t really think it’s anything in particular. I just feel good and it doesn’t matter that things aren’t like I thought they would be because as long as I have Jesus, I feel great.
I finally got a raise at my job. I feel like I am more appreciated. I finished John and now I’m reading Mark a long with other members of Catalyst Church. Love it. It’s so inspiring to read Jesus’ actual words every morning.
Our 2 year anniversary is coming up soon and it’s so exciting. Brendan is the best boyfriend in the whole world. I know I may talk about him like that a lot but it’s so rare to find a real man of faith. And someone who treats you like a lady should be treated.
Wow my last day of class is tomorrow! I know it’s actually gonna feel like summer once my class ends! Can’t wait for next weekend! Fourth of July weekend is my favorite because there are fireworks. Plus, my baby brother is coming home to visit!

jesus

One thing I realized yesterday is that life is so tough. I have a really close friend crying on my porch because her family is torn up. Just listening to her talk about the most painful moments of her life kills me. There is no way to justify an affair and you can see the effects of another person’s sin in her life, though she had nothing to do with it. Then there is the most beautiful child I know. Whatever happened to her at a young age is going to affect her when she is older. I want so badly to help her and I love her so much. My family is torn a part and I feel a family crisis coming on soon. I want to tell my church family at some point, but I need to wait until more details come in.

I just see so many broken hearts and broken lives around me. I want these people to experience Jesus in their lives so bad that it moves me to tears. I had a broken life and so many rotten things happened to me, but Jesus healed every pain in my life and made me whole again. I know what it is like to lean on Him through rough times. I want them to be able to as well. And if it’s not the time yet then I hope that God can use me and help me to be a light in the darkness.

decisions

I am absolutely loving John. There is just so much good stuff in there. It is so hard to just pick one verse for my SOAP analysis. God is definitely revealing so much to me. Anyways, I am getting more excited about my internship. I even get to work at the Rascal Flatts concert in 2 weeks! I have regular office hours every Wednesday at the radio station. I want so badly to work at the radio station after this internship. There is a lot of competition, but man working there would be so sweet. I pray that it is God’s will that it will happen.

Plainville Starbucks was hiring, so I applied, but when I called the position was filled. This is like the 100th time I have tried to get out of this job and I am stuck. Brendan says maybe I am not getting any jobs because God has something better for me. I can only hope. But I believe that it is true.

I am sort of thinking about taking next semester off and working full-time somewhere. It seems kinda outrageous because I will be 4 classes away from graduating. But I have no money. Both my parents won’t support me, and I can’t pay my bills with just a 12 hour a week job. I am jealous of other college students who don’t have jobs because their parents pay for everything. I was thinking of maybe getting a temp full-time job and finishing school in the spring. It kind of sucks that I am letting money rule this decision though. But I will definitely be praying about it and try to figure out what God wants me to do.

internship

I feel very overwhelmed with school right now. Today I finally caught up on my capstone homework and I spent 3 hours in the computer lab at school doing info processing homework. My first meeting for my internship was today. It was not what I expected and it is very unorganized. I have a lot of questions and I just feel like thrown into this. I need to give it a chance. I feel like I am spread too thin with my summer classes and work. I have no idea what I will actually be out at these events for the internship.

I am on ChaCha right now trying to make some money. There aren’t even a lot of questions right now. I am $49 away from getting paid, as long as I finish up by June 15. Tonight my mom took me out for dinner to celebrate my internship. It was really nice and I had super good food. I feel like already summer is going by so fast. I want the weather to stay hot and nice so I can get tan and go to the beach. I’ve been reading John and it’s been enlightening so far.

unbelievable!

Honestly, I can say that 2 weeks ago when I tithed for the first time in awhile, I have felt so much peace. I prayed every day that my measly little 10% will be blessed. I don’t make a lot of money at the moment, but I know that every amount counts. I took a leap of faith and tithed what I had, leaving me no money to pay my bills. I have felt so much peace, that I haven’t even worried about money at all since 2 weeks ago.

Somehow it happened where I had enough to pay almost all of my credit card bill in full. Brendan got a paycheck that had a lot more money than we expected. I felt blessed through him because he was able to pay me back money, and actually have a couple of dollars to his name afterwards. Plus, I sold my books. Plus, I made some extra money doing ChaCha. Even in the midst of everything, I even got a $125 tattoo (and that didn’t even dig me in deeper). I always want to do do things for myself and I never can and this tattoo was for me! For the past like 5 months I have hardly been able to buy things for myself. I don’t regularly spend money on anything a week that I could cut back on. So I just did it.

Anyways, today I got paid again. First thing I did was tithe and pray that God will bless it. Then I paid off my two credit cards and stashed away the rest. I have a car tax due in July that is usually about $176. I have my car insurance due in August that is $500. I don’t feel an ounce of worry.It’s unbelievable. The worry of money was constantly just there and one day I realized it was gone. God will take care of you if you just surrender to Him.

no more classes

Yesterday was my last day of class. Today I slept in a little late, and looked out the window and it just seems gloomy. It seems that has spread to my mood. I feel like I am lacking lately. I don’t know if it’s my crazy girly hormones, or the weather, or how I tend to overanalyze every single situation. I just spent some time like I do every morning with God and I feel much better. I am on proverbs and I love the quick little sayings that so easily stick with me throughout my day.

Today I have a party at work. Work already has gotten better. Yesterday at the meeting my managers assigned more work for me to do, which makes me think that they think I can handle it. So get this, 2 places called back (1 for an interview, 1 for a job), but I sadly declined. Is that saying no to God? I think it was an answered prayer. Well it was a prayer I wanted badly at one point, until I decided that I thought God was telling me to stick where I was and to trust him that my work situation would get better. So I felt very conflicted, but ultimately decided to stay where I am now.

I am still waiting for something crazy to happen. I have asked God to bless my tithe everyday. I have 2 bills due in 5 days. I had a dream last night that Obama was attending a speech I was giving about how music has influenced my relationship with God and he asked me what a Christian was. WEIRD! I think I am going home tonight. There’s no point to be on campus with no one around and no classes to go to!

work

So I didn’t get the Banknorth job. I don’t understand why. The dude said he was going to hire me, he was just gonna call me this week to set up a meeting with his boss. I only cried a little, just because I was really hoping to get it. More money, more hours, and a legit job. I have been wanting to get a new job since October, but it hasn’t happened. So I guess I just need to make the best out of my job and I pray I will stop getting in trouble, and people there will have favor on me, and I will get a raise. It is probably better this way because as soon as summer starts, I have a 10-12:15 class Monday through Thursday. That already like destroys my availability. Plus, my internship starts June 1st and the job I have right now is so flexible, so maybe that’s a good thing. So I picked up a shift today to get more money and I am working this Saturday.

I got my biweekly paycheck (FINALLY) and I wrote out a check for my tithe. I am nervous because after my car payment I have $0. I haven’t had money since 2 weeks ago when I last got paid so that is $0 for a whole month. Plus I have 2 credit card payments due and no money so I guess let’s see how God will blessed me!

I hate money. When Brendan lost his job it was really really hard. Sometimes all I want is to buy something for myself. I really haven’t bought anything for myself in months that isn’t like groceries. My entire paycheck goes to my bills. Like I want to get my hair cut and I need it desperately.  I want to get my nails done. I want to be able to drive by a Starbucks on a whim pull in and get a decaf Americano. I know I have been spending my money wisely  because last week Brendan and I decided not to go to Boston and Worcester.  But good news is that I am $40 away from getting paid by ChaCha. I have until May 15th!

Living Complete in Christ

Living Complete in Christ
We are complete in Jesus (Colossians 2:10)
Without Christ, people are always searching
When we believe, trust in, and rely on the Lord we are blessed
Worldly Advertising
The world is deep in debt trying to buy what God offers for free
Chasing after substitutes for God is like chasing the wind
Accept Christ
As believers in Jesus, we are His home
Let faith take the lead, and feelings will follow
A Case of Mistaken Identity
Our identity is established a result of who we choose to identify with
If we identify with Jesus, we will no longer have an identity crisis
You belong to God!
Jesus desires that you feel whole, complete, and satisfied

What an amazing book. In this book there were a lot of answers to why I act the way I do and why I feel the way I do. I always wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I react different to situations? I was exhausted from always having to be perfect. I know now that in God’s eyes I am perfect. I did nothing to merit His love, but He loves me anyway.

The task at hand is how do I deal with the people of this world? How can I get past thinking other people will never accept me? I am glad that I have Brendan who already keeps me accountable when it comes to this stuff. I will continue to pray that I can receive his criticism because I know he is only helping me. He points out when I am starting to worry too much and he encourages me to keep going. I see myself differently after this book and I pray I can continue to work on being the best I can be!